The Non-Diabetic Freak-Out: Musings on Etiquette

One of my co-workers (and friends) stopped by my desk yesterday just as I was taking my post-prandial.  He happened to get a good look at me just as I hit the trigger on my lancet device.  His response?

"Holy CRAP!!!!"  (Dodge behind the wall.)  10 seconds later..."Is it done bleeding yet?"

It was one of those moments when you realize how much you've changed in two months.  The daily grind of injections and fingersticks has become very routine for me in the last two months.  Most of the people closest to me (all of those at home, and most of those at work) accept the things that I have to do to manage my sugars as a normal fact of life.  I often get sympathetic comments about having to inject myself, but honestly, what are people expected to say?

And there are some people I see fairly often that are not as familiar with the daily necessities.  Some of them (like my hapless friend above) are totally at a loss when they encounter us doing our thing.

The important thing to remember, I think, is that most everyone means well.  Some people are genuinely curious about things, but most of them don't want to know too many details, for the same reason lots of people don't like to go to funerals:  it reminds them of things they'd rather not think about.

I don't see my friend's reaction as any kind of judgment on me, more as a confused reaction from someone who had no idea how to react to the situation he found himself in.  I mean, what's the right etiquette to use when someone is deliberately bleeding in front of you?  I don't think they ever covered that in grade school.

I have learned that many people have deep and abiding misconceptions about what diabetes is and does, and what we have to do to deal with it.  I was explaining protocol for what to do if I went unconscious to another of my friends, and I happened to have my Novolog pen out at the time.  He pointed to it, and said, "So, how much do I give you if you go out?"  (He is an ex-phlebotomist -- blood-donation taker -- and a current member of our in-house medical emergency response team.)

"None.  If you give me that when I'm out, I will very likely die."

So I explained a bit about hypoglycemia, and since the point of insulin is to bring blood sugar down, giving me any of that when I'm already low is not the best course of therapy.  And he got it immediately.

Many people have no idea about how fingersticks work, either.  A lot of people have been through the middle school exercise with the spear-sized el-cheapo lancets, where people lance their fingerpads and scream in pain, in hopes of getting blood.  (That's how I recall my experience, anyway.)

I show the outsides of my fingers, which always have some number of little dots, indicating recent test
sites.  I explain that the fingerpads have more nerves in them than just about anywhere else in the human body.  I use the outsides of the last three fingers on either hand, and I have no problem with typing or anything else (and I type quite a lot during the day).

One of my best friends, when I first told him of my condition, said, "So, no more salt for you then, huh?"

I'm still not sure where that came from.

My experience is that people may not know, but many are curious and willing to learn.  Most of those closest to me know a lot more than they did two months ago about what makes diabetes and what people have to do to treat it.  The ones who know me best of all know enough to not advise me on what I should or shouldn't eat.

There are those that will say, "Oh, you really shouldn't have any of this."  But even in those cases (yes, it bugs me, I think it ranks in the top-10 pet peeves of all diabetics, at least those who post on-line), most people are trying to be helpful.  Their hearts are in the right place, regardless of how it sounds to us.

The truth is that diabetes care has changed considerably in the last 10-15 years, and so a lot of the memories people have of grandparents, etc., may not be accurate anymore, but why would they stay current unless they had it or lived with someone who does?

So, I think it helps to be patient with people.  I think it helps to assume that they mean well.  After all, there are a lot more of them than there are of us, and I think we're all OK with that.  Meanwhile, we can take all the opportunities we can find to teach people about the way things are now.